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Sherlock fic just for Accio: Improbably

Title: Improbably
Author: drachenmina
Word Count: 1,200
Rating: PG
Warnings: That would be telling....
Characters: Sherlock Holmes/Greg Lestrade
AN: A little birdie told me, most esteemed and estimable Accio, that you have a passing interest in BBC Sherlock – so here, for your delectation and delight, I bring you a one-time only, never to be repeated event: Sherlock/Lestrade with an extra twist just for you! ;D
Kisses for the beta to the lovely blooms84.

ETA: For a fandom primer, the uninitiated can do no better than read veronamay's post here. Please note, however, that it contains spoilers, so if you don't want to read them, scroll no further down than the lovely DI Lestrade.




"Don't want it." Sherlock folds his arms and glares at his plate as if it's just committed murder in a particularly stupid and boring fashion.

Greg closes his eyes and counts to ten. Then he does it again. In French. Which takes ages, because despite the name he was bleeding useless at it in school. "Sherlock, you've got to eat sometime. Why not now?"

"Not hungry. And you're watching. I don't want to eat while you're watching."

Heart disease. Stroke. Stomach Ulcers. Three things, Greg reminds himself, that he really doesn't want. Especially not now. Takes a calming breath. Takes another.

Wonders how easy it is to hyperventilate.

"Easier than most people think, actually," Sherlock comments.

Not helping. "Stop trying to change the subject."

"Me?" Sherlock asks indignantly. "You're the one who can't keep his thoughts quiet!"

Focus. Do not get mad at the sociopath; this rarely ends well. "Maybe I'd think a bit quieter if you'd eat something?"

"It's cold."

"If you'd eaten it, it wouldn't bloody well have got cold, would it?" Bugger. "Sorry. Didn't mean to shout." Too late.

"Well, it's all right for you, isn't it?" Sherlock shouts. Who'd have thought that deep voice could sound so shrill? Shoves back his chair as he stands, a flurry of silk and sulkiness. Eyes shining; perfect lips just beginning to tremble. "You're not the one who—"

"All right! All right," Greg says soothingly. Anything, anything but Sherlock crying, God help him. "Look, I'll make you something else, how about that? Something hot. Something you like."

Sherlock slumps back in the chair. "Will it have mushrooms? I need mushrooms. Lots of mushrooms."

Bugger. "We're out of mushrooms, but I could do you some—"

"Mushrooms. In a Gruyere sauce. With strawberries." Sherlock looks up at Greg, pale eyes wide and appealing. And worryingly moist. "It's only seven miles to the nearest 24-hour Tesco."

Greg sighs, heavily. Gets his keys.

Nine months of this is going to bloody well kill him.



***


He should have known it wasn't going to be a good day. The signs were all there. Toast: burnt. Milk: off. Mycroft's car: waiting outside his flat.

With John Watson already inside.

Greg sighs. "Oh, bloody hell. What's he done now?"

Watson just shrugs. "Not a clue." Offers Greg a Danish from a gold-rimmed plate. "Want one? They're all right, actually."

Greg looks at the plate, then at Watson. "You haven't known Mycroft Holmes very long, have you?"

Watson stills. Replaces his half-eaten Danish carefully on the plate. "Good point."

They're taken to a wing of the National Gallery that's been closed for renovations. Dust sheets are everywhere, looking a bit too like shrouds for Greg's liking.

Mycroft appears, umbrella as tightly furled as the man himself. "Good morning, gentlemen. Now, I'm sure we're all very busy, so I'll get straight to the point. I should just like to know which of you two is responsible for my baby brother's, ah, delicate condition."

Watson frowns. "Sherlock's been attacked?"

"Oh, dear me, no." Mycroft smiles, shark-like. "If I believed that for one second we would be having this conversation under very different circumstances."

Greg suddenly knows exactly what people mean when they say "the penny dropped." He can feel gears moving in his brain; cogs clicking into place. Sherlock, insisting they keep the lights off. Muttering something about being different down there. Greg, brain too fogged with a kind of delirious disbelief that he was finally, after five years of unrequited lust, getting to shag Sherlock, to pay much attention. "Oh, bloody hell. Sherlock's up the duff?"

"What? What? How is that even—Don't look at me!" Watson backs away, hands held out. "Straight, remember?"

Mycroft tuts. "Come, now, John. You know nobody believes that."

"I've got a girlfriend!"

"Denial."

"I tried to chat up Anthea!"

"Ah, yes. Exquisite, isn't she? She does prefer the female pronoun these days. Most of the time. Although, and I tell you this strictly in confidence, she's still undecided about whether to have the surgery."

Greg can't help glancing over to where Anthea stands, clicking away at her Blackberry. She (he?) gives Greg a bright smile. Greg swallows.

"I'm not gay!" Watson's shouting now.

"Give it a rest, John," Greg says wearily. "It was me, all right? Apparently."

"Thank you, Inspector." The shark's scented blood, and has started to circle. "I always think so much unpleasantness can be avoided if we all just tell the truth."

"What?" Watson looks like he's about to cause a bit of unpleasantness right now. "You? And Sherlock? When the bloody hell did this happen?"

Greg smiles, because at a time like this, you've got to take all the pleasure you can find. "As I recall, it was the last time you were out with your girlfriend."

Watson's face closes down. Greg tenses.

Mycroft tuts. "Now, now. John, I'm afraid I really can't have you looking so threateningly at my future brother-in-law." Mycroft turns to Greg, who's desperately trying to persuade himself that comment didn't mean what he bloody well knows it meant. Mycroft smiles. This, Greg knows, is a Very Bad Sign. The shark moves in for the kill "I trust you are planning to make an honest man out of Sherlock? Because otherwise, I'm afraid, Mummy is going to be very cross indeed."


***


Three months into the pregnancy, Sherlock's stopped throwing up, and the mood swings are finally settling down. At least, as far as they ever do, with Sherlock. The wedding's been set for May, apparently; Greg knows this because his mum rang to bend his ear about how she didn't think it was right that the first she knew about him getting married was when Mummy Holmes' gilt-edged invite plopped through the letterbox. Oh, and wasn't Sherlock an unusual name for a girl?

Greg should probably get around to telling her precisely how unusual Sherlock is, but for some reason, he keeps putting it off. He wonders what'll happen when his mum meets Mummy Holmes. Earthquakes, floods and the Four Horsemen of the bloody Apocalypse is probably a fair assessment.

Meanwhile, Sherlock seems to be, well, glowing. He's eating well—all it took, in the end, was one text from Mycroft threatening to take him home for Mummy to look after—and is down to one cup of coffee a day and no other stimulants, legal or otherwise. And then there's... the other thing.

Sherlock wants sex all the time. John said it's all down to hormones—and God, what wouldn't Greg give for a video recording of the exquisite discomfort on the poor bastard's face as he explained it all? Next time Greg remembers, he'll ask Mycroft, who's bound to have one.

"Greg?" Sherlock calls plaintively from the sofa. "I need you. Now! And bring your handcuffs!"

John rustles his newspaper pointedly.

Greg grins. He's still not sure he's going to make it through the full nine months.

But at least he'll die happy.

Comments

( 28 comments — Leave a comment )
magic_helmet
Oct. 30th, 2010 06:44 am (UTC)
I really must check out this fandom and perhaps watch an episode or two.

I'm not sure who Greg is, but this was humorous, and entertaining!

This makes me want to explore the fandom more.
lurkerlynne
Nov. 2nd, 2010 02:22 am (UTC)
Greg is Lestrade; ACD gave his name as G. Lestrade and most fans believe he's a Gregory.
drachenmina
Oct. 30th, 2010 08:25 am (UTC)
This makes me want to explore the fandom more.
Excellent! Come, and bring Sherlock/Lestrade slash! There's really not enough of it at the moment! ;D

Seriously, BBC Sherlock is fantastic. Only 3 episodes so far, but more are to be filmed. I've added a link to an excellent fandom primer to my post.
bonfoi
Oct. 31st, 2010 11:34 pm (UTC)
*LMAO and ROFLMAO again* Oh, bloody 'ell!! That's priceless! The first BBC Sherlock!MPREG I think I've ever seen! I can say that this is the first time, really! Gods, that's sooo good!
drachenmina
Nov. 1st, 2010 08:11 pm (UTC)
Thank you! *beams*

Just so you know, I'm not planning to make a habit of it! ;D
bonfoi
Nov. 1st, 2010 09:53 pm (UTC)
Oh, bless you for that! I don't think my computer or my heart could take it! *still chortling*
(Deleted comment)
drachenmina
Nov. 1st, 2010 08:12 pm (UTC)
Too true! ;D
Glad you enjoyed!
solara_karrde
Nov. 1st, 2010 06:29 pm (UTC)
pfffffffffffft - too funny!
drachenmina
Nov. 1st, 2010 08:12 pm (UTC)
Thank you! *g*
tehomet
Nov. 1st, 2010 08:14 pm (UTC)
The whole story was very funny but not!Anthea and the shark metaphor made me cackle, and: John rustles his newspaper pointedly. was the point at which I couldn't help LOLing.

Very nicely done. Thank you.
drachenmina
Nov. 1st, 2010 08:16 pm (UTC)
*g* I felt bad about doing that to poor Anthea.

But not very. ;D

Making John suffer, OTOH, I thoroughly enjoyed!
kari77
Nov. 1st, 2010 09:26 pm (UTC)
O.M.G. You didn't! lol

(I probably shouldn't have enjoyed this as much as I did ... *snickers*)
drachenmina
Nov. 1st, 2010 09:45 pm (UTC)
LOL! I promise not to do it again.

Probably. ;D
kari77
Nov. 1st, 2010 09:51 pm (UTC)
*gg* As long as you write it, I'll probably read it. :D
darthhellokitty
Nov. 2nd, 2010 12:16 am (UTC)
Oh, Greg, it only takes ONE TIME... And we have now defined the euphemism "in trouble".

"I tried to chat up Anthea!"

"Ah, yes. Exquisite, isn't she? She does prefer the female pronoun these days. Most of the time. Although, and I tell you this strictly in confidence, she's still undecided about whether to have the surgery."


Well, good for her. And she could have ANY of them if she wanted, too. :-)

Sherlock really isn't THAT much worse than usual...
drachenmina
Nov. 4th, 2010 11:16 pm (UTC)
*g* I do like Anthea! That could have been a nothing role, but she gives it such character! :D

And no, Sherlock's petulance is not so very exaggerated here!
rusty_armour
Nov. 2nd, 2010 01:47 am (UTC)
I was in kind of a crappy mood when I read this and it totally cheered me up because it was so funny! No, not funny: hilarious! A pregnant Sherlock who sends Lestrade on inconvenient errands to satisfy his food cravings is totally in-character. And, of course, he would be horny because of the hormones. This part totally cracked me up due to the newspaper rustling:

"Greg?" Sherlock calls plaintively from the sofa. "I need you. Now! And bring your handcuffs!"

John rustles his newspaper pointedly.

Greg grins. He's still not sure he's going to make it through the full nine months.


I also loved Mycroft confronting Lestrade and John about who knocked up Sherlock. It was priceless when he hinted heavily at the fact that Lestrade would be making an honest man of his brother! *g*
drachenmina
Nov. 4th, 2010 11:16 pm (UTC)
Thank you! *beams*

Mpreg may not usually be my thing, but oh! I had fun writing this!
turante
Nov. 2nd, 2010 01:52 am (UTC)
I don't like Mpregs.
Or at least, I didn't until now!!
Lol it's too beautiful, and fun! Pregnant Sherlock would just escalate the bitchiness to a whole new level! poor Lestrade.

Heart disease. Stroke. Stomach Ulcers.

is Lestrade accepting bet on which one will kill him in the following months?

and Lestrade's mum meeting Mummy Holmes!

Earthquakes, floods and the Four Horsemen of the bloody Apocalypse is probably a fair assessment.
ok, it's more or less what happened when my parents met my in-laws. sans Horsemen.
drachenmina
Nov. 4th, 2010 11:17 pm (UTC)
Thank you! *beams*

And eeek! I'm guessing you don't have both sets of parents round for Christmas! ;D
accioslash
Nov. 2nd, 2010 07:12 pm (UTC)
Hahahahaha! OMG!!!! I'm going to be run out of Sherlock fandom for encouraging the creation of mpreg!!!!! Bwhahahaha! I can see it now - there's so little Sherlock/Lestrade and you know people are going to be so excited to see someone write the pairing and will get to the mpreg and be all "WTF? Is this Accioslash woman insane?!" Of course, the answer is 'yes' but that's neither here nor there. ;D

Trufax, the very first mpreg fic I ever read was in Sherlock Holmes fandom. But it wasn't nearly this brilliant. You really have Sherlock down perfectly. And I probably shouldn't enjoy John's insistence that he's straight as much as I do. Really loved Lestrade here. Although I've mostly read John/Sherlock, this is the most promising alternate pairing I've seen in this fandom. I'm thrilled to see that we may share another fandom interest even if the mpreg is only a one-time only, never to be repeated event.

*hugs tight* Thank you so much for indulging me, hon. ♥
drachenmina
Nov. 4th, 2010 11:29 pm (UTC)
I'm so glad you liked it! :D
And OMG! Your first Mpreg was Sherlock Holmes? That would have to be book!verse, right? *boggles*

I may not Snarry much these days, but it's been wonderful to be part of this project - all the love that's been shown in this comm is thoroughly deserved! *squeezes you tight*
accioslash
Nov. 4th, 2010 11:53 pm (UTC)
Yep, it was book!verse from maaaaaaaaaaaaaany years ago, though still on the internet. So not quite as far back in fandom as some of my other reading. Apparently Holmes had relatives in the wizarding world. Watson initially rejected him, but all was well by the end.

And I have to say that I am still absolutely floored by all of this. So many people do so much for the fandom it's really quite humbling to be singled out in this way.

lauramac_10
Nov. 2nd, 2010 08:38 pm (UTC)
Oh I am so in love with this story! :-)It was just fantastic,all of it and I now have an insanely strong urge to read more of it (porbably *my* hormones playing up). I'd really love to see these 2 coping with the rest of the pregnancy and the arrival of the new baby, and don't even get me started on the wedding and the 'battle of the mothers'!!
What would I have to do to persuade you to write more?
drachenmina
Nov. 4th, 2010 11:30 pm (UTC)
Oh, god, don't encourage me! ;D

I'm going to be kind of busy on the original stuff for November - but after that, who knows?

So glad you liked it! :D
cordeliadelayne
Nov. 4th, 2010 01:31 am (UTC)
Hee! This was great. I especially loved John's reactions. Bless him.
drachenmina
Nov. 4th, 2010 11:31 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :D

I find John the hardest to write, so I'm thrilled you liked him in this!
( 28 comments — Leave a comment )